July 30, 2001 and July 30, 2007
Jul 31, 2007 11:10 AM
Thank you for all you kind words and comments on my last blogs.
Six years ago today right about this time my husband and I went into the NICU to get Jacob. We had made the decision to have Jacob taken off the ventilator...his heart was failing and they couldn't do much more for him.
It was my second time in the NICU. I had gone for the first time earlier that day. I was wheeled in in a wheel chair and placed in front of Jacob's warmer. Then they took out his tubes and took off his wires and handed him to me. I looked down at him and he opened one eye up and looked at me. I was wheeled to my room where many of our family members were waiting.
I held Jacob and looked at his every detail. He was so tiny and so perfect. He had fought a good fight and now his spirit was going home. Several people were taking pictures. I am so glad I have all those pictures...even if we look sad. My husband held his first born son and wept. He had had to make the decision to let Jacob go mostly by himself because I was so out of it and medicated. Then we let our family members each have a turn to hold, admire and grieve Jacob. It was especially hard on my Aunt who had lost a daughter about ten years earlier at around 22 weeks gestation. To see and hold another tiny one reminded her of her own loss. My grandma grieved as though it was her own child. Our parents were heartbroken. I felt peace.
After a while my husband and I each held Jacob one more time and then handed him to his nurse. She was wonderful and truly seemed to love our little boy. She wrapped him up and took him to the NICU where she dressed him and took pictures of him for us. She even took some pictures of Jacob's body with Joshua.
Six years has gone by. I still miss Jacob just as much, but I know where he is and that he is happy.
Tonight my family and I went to the temple and let our balloons fly up in the sky in remembrance of Jacob. We each wrote something special on our own balloon.
I am attaching some pictures of the twins and their footprints. These pictures and prints were what the nurses brought me after the twins were born because I couldn't go see them.
Tiffany
Six years ago today right about this time my husband and I went into the NICU to get Jacob. We had made the decision to have Jacob taken off the ventilator...his heart was failing and they couldn't do much more for him.
It was my second time in the NICU. I had gone for the first time earlier that day. I was wheeled in in a wheel chair and placed in front of Jacob's warmer. Then they took out his tubes and took off his wires and handed him to me. I looked down at him and he opened one eye up and looked at me. I was wheeled to my room where many of our family members were waiting.
I held Jacob and looked at his every detail. He was so tiny and so perfect. He had fought a good fight and now his spirit was going home. Several people were taking pictures. I am so glad I have all those pictures...even if we look sad. My husband held his first born son and wept. He had had to make the decision to let Jacob go mostly by himself because I was so out of it and medicated. Then we let our family members each have a turn to hold, admire and grieve Jacob. It was especially hard on my Aunt who had lost a daughter about ten years earlier at around 22 weeks gestation. To see and hold another tiny one reminded her of her own loss. My grandma grieved as though it was her own child. Our parents were heartbroken. I felt peace.
After a while my husband and I each held Jacob one more time and then handed him to his nurse. She was wonderful and truly seemed to love our little boy. She wrapped him up and took him to the NICU where she dressed him and took pictures of him for us. She even took some pictures of Jacob's body with Joshua.
Six years has gone by. I still miss Jacob just as much, but I know where he is and that he is happy.
Tonight my family and I went to the temple and let our balloons fly up in the sky in remembrance of Jacob. We each wrote something special on our own balloon.
I am attaching some pictures of the twins and their footprints. These pictures and prints were what the nurses brought me after the twins were born because I couldn't go see them.
Tiffany
COMMENTS
- Jul 31, 2007 5:02 PMI know I've said this before...but I can't imagine what you've been thru...Thank you for sharing your story with us...You've helped more people than you can imagine.HugsKate
- Jul 31, 2007 6:21 PMMy heart aches for you.Your boys are beautiful. You and Jacob will be in my thoughts this week.Hugs,Mary
- Jul 31, 2007 7:09 PMThe boys are absolutely beautiful!!Thank you for sharing them with us.What a wonderful way to remember Jacob by sending him balloons with special words written on them full of love.I'll be keeping you all in my thoughts.HUGS,Colleen
- Jul 31, 2007 10:17 PMTime doesn't seem to take away the pain sometimes, especially on days like this. My heart goes out to you and your family.Hugs,Donna
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