Our Loss and Our Many Blessings

twin thoughts

OurSpecialChildren

Jun 13, 2007 5:24 AM

My first pregnancy was twins. We didn't find out until I was about 17 weeks along. From the beginning of my pregnancy I felt there was something wrong. I felt movement much earlier than I should have(especially for a first pregnancy). I grew very quickly. It seemed that every week I was visibly bigger than the last. My doctor never noticed any signs of twins. I had a blood test to see if the baby had spina bifida or down syndrome...it came back positive, so the next day I was in for an ultrasound. I noticed other mom's talking...there were a couple who were about a month farther along than I was, but I was twice as big as them! I thought, something must be really wrong. In the back of my mind I thought..maybe it's twins. There were no twins in my family so it didn't seem very likely. when I finally got in the room(luckily my mom could come, because my husband had to work) they put the wonder on my belly. The ultrasound tech was looking down when she placed the wand, but i wasn't .. right away I saw two circles that looked like heads. She looked up and said, "there are two." I cried and cried. I was happy, but scared. Then doctors started filtering in the room to have a look. One said, "no there are three!...just kidding." It wasn't very funny to me. My husband didn't believe me at first when I told him he was having two sons. We had a lot of fun sharing the news with everyone. I still felt there was something really wrong. We enjoyed our great news of twins for about a month until a doctor finally listened to me that something was wrong....I was 221/2 weeks and in preterm labor. They stopped the boys from coming until almost 25 weeks. We lost one when he was two days old. I wish I could have been able to enjoy my twin pregnancy longer..I found out late and it ended early. With my last two pregnancies I always hoped it would be twins again so I could relive and maybe fix some of the things that happened with my twin pregnancy. I had early ultrasounds and both time it was just one baby. I remember after one of the ultrasounds the lady at the front desk said, "Are you disappointed it's not twins again?" I kind of just nodded...there was a waiting room full of other patients. I was trying not to cry. She then tole me to be happy it was just one and how lucky I was and all the problems multiples cause. Then my voice felt shaky and some tears slipped out. Now I am 9 weeks along with my fifth child(fourth pregnancy). I am growing very quickly. I outgrew my pants three weeks ago. My husband keeps teasing me that it's twins again, but I don't feel very sick at all. I felt so sick with all my other pregnancies. I keep telling myself that I was just small to begin with and that I am probably growing fast because I have had three prier pregnancies..inside my heart I truly with it were twins again...but most likely it is not. I probably won't ever have them again unless I find some to adopt someday. Thanks for reading.. I needed to share.
Tiffany

COMMENTS

• 24 wkr mom

  Jun 13, 2007 5:55 AM

  All the best to you.  The biggest obstacle is to overcome the daily moments of people's comments that don't understand what you have been through.  I look forward to your future postings of a healthy pregnancy!!
• 2angelbabies

  Jun 13, 2007 6:15 AM

  I know what you mean about secrety wanting twins.  My first pregnancy was twins and I had them at 22 1/2 weeks and they did not survive.  I  am now 4 weeks, 1 day pregnant again!  I am secretly somewhat hoping for twins.  I also feel like I was "robbed" of my twin pregnancy.  I mourned that as well as my daughters.  So, I know how you feel.

  Becca
• Kathryn:Mom&NICU Nurse

  Jun 13, 2007 6:25 AM

  I hope that all goes well for you during this pregnancy.  I am 10 weeks pregnant and starting to show alot already.  You will be in my thoughts and prayers.

  Kathryn
• dinamarie

  Jun 13, 2007 7:45 AM

  I am wishing you all the best.  I'm glad you shared how you are feeling.  Take care of yourself and keep us posted.

  Dina
• 2 here 2 in Heaven

  Jun 13, 2007 8:57 PM

  Wishing you a good, long, easy pregnancy this time around.

  I am so sorry for the loss of your twin.  We lost two of our triplets in the NICU, and sometimes people say the darndest things about it.

  -Shonda