six years ago my twins were born
Jul 27, 2007 3:12 AM
This year is a very unique one. I didn't realize it until last week, but the days and the dates on the calendar are exactly the same as they were six years ago.
We are going out of town again tomorrow for some more doctor's appointments. we will be going to Spokane as usual. My husband and I thought since Joshua's 6th birthday is on Saturday we would spend the night and go ride rides the next day--two things Joshua loves. Then it hit me that my twins were born almost six years ago in Spokane on a Saturday. It will be a strange time.
Joshua's birthday is always a happy time...we celebrate the miracle of his life and all he can do. It is also somewhat sad because it is also Jacob's birthday and he is not here with us to celebrate. It is sad because I remember how terrible that day (the 28th of July 2001) was.
I had been in the hospital battling my body to try to keep the boys in. I was on complete bed rest, trendelenburg position. I had to eat laying down, brush my teeth laying down and urinate laying down. I couldn't get up to shower. I had had an emergency cerclage placed at 22 1/2 weeks (was dilated between a four and a six...depending which doctor you asked before the cerclage) and now I was a day away from being 25 weeks. The next day would be Sunday and then they would start the steriod shots for the babies' lungs. I was still on high doses of magnesium and at times had tributaline and endocine to calm my irritable uterus. I was on multiple antibiotics to fight infection.
I was told not to touch my stomach because it caused contractions. When the boys would start to kick they would start the contractions also. I dreaded them kicking because then they might not stay in long enough, but on the other hand I was relieved they were still alive. I couldn't listen to my harp and church music very loud at all..I could barely hear it, because the boys loved music and would start kicking which would start the contractions again.
The nurses would come in every so often to find the boy's heartbeats and each time I held my breath until I heard those two strong heartbeats...I was always afraid one would be dead when the came to check the heartbeats.
Friday(27th) was a fairly easy day. It was by no means the worse I had experienced. Things looked like they were going great and maybe I would make it to 27 weeks. I know now it was just the calm before the storm.
Saturday(28th) I woke up shaking. I was so cold. I asked for more blankets and I was still shaking. The nurse took my temperature and I had a fever. Everything was a mad rush. It seems so blurry now. The doctor came in and did and amnio to see if the amniotic fluid was infected....it was infected with e-coli and so was I.
He tried to remove my cerclage, but it was stuck. He had a nurse helping him and meanwhile I was having painful contractions. I was moaning and he looked alarmed...he ordered some drug that made me feel like I was floating on the ceiling. He said the twins were going to be born today. I was too sick...I had lost the battle. He explained our delivery options. He yelled at a nurse as she rolled in a warmer to get it out. He was very emotional...he had become attached to us as the rest of the staff. They would call to see how the babies and I were doing on their days off. The staff stayed longer in our room and visited with us. They asked why and couldn't figure out why I was so happy all of the time...I know it was Christ who helped me.
My husband and I decided on a c-section to give the boys a better chance at life. The doctor said he would choose that if it were his wife and children. Joshua(baby b) had a chance of turning sideways, so it seemed the better choice and I was so delirious from the fever. So my husband and mom made the phone calls to let everyone know.
Soon I was in the operating room. They bent the rules for me and let both my husband and mom be with me. They told me when Jacob was born. He didn't make a sound, but they told me he was wiggling all over. Then Joshua was born and I heard the tiniest cry(like a kitten). Then my spinal started wearing off and I began to feel what was going on...the gave me some more medication and as the babies were wheeled out I saw a tiny hand..I don't know whose it was.
I didn't see my boys for two days. I was too sick. The nurses sent me pictures and footprints. Finally my husband picked me up and put me in a wheelchair and took me to see them...Jacob wasn't doing as well as we had hoped. Paul wanted me to see them before one or both of them died. I don't remember seeing them...I have pictures though, so I know I was there. Jacob died that night(30th of July 2001). I held him as he died...I do remember that.
For a long time it was very hard for me to be in Spokane and especially the hospital where the boys were born and where Jacob died, but I had too. Joshua was re hospitalized for a shunt failer not long after we brought him home and we were constantly going to doctor visits there....we still do. I can now go there without the extreme pain. It will be different this time, as I remember what happened six years ago on the same day of the week....Saturday, one day short of 25 weeks...one day short of getting the steroid shots, 15 weeks too early.
So, tomorrow off we go to the birthplace of my twins. Joshua is excited to stay in a hotel(we have tried to make each doctor visit as exciting as possible..hotel stays, swimming, rides, shopping, picnicking, even playing in the snow.). He is excited for his birthday and so am I.
On Monday we will let balloons off by our local Temple in remembrance of our son and brother Jacob. Someday, I truly believe, we will see him again.
Thanks for reading.
Tiffany
We are going out of town again tomorrow for some more doctor's appointments. we will be going to Spokane as usual. My husband and I thought since Joshua's 6th birthday is on Saturday we would spend the night and go ride rides the next day--two things Joshua loves. Then it hit me that my twins were born almost six years ago in Spokane on a Saturday. It will be a strange time.
Joshua's birthday is always a happy time...we celebrate the miracle of his life and all he can do. It is also somewhat sad because it is also Jacob's birthday and he is not here with us to celebrate. It is sad because I remember how terrible that day (the 28th of July 2001) was.
I had been in the hospital battling my body to try to keep the boys in. I was on complete bed rest, trendelenburg position. I had to eat laying down, brush my teeth laying down and urinate laying down. I couldn't get up to shower. I had had an emergency cerclage placed at 22 1/2 weeks (was dilated between a four and a six...depending which doctor you asked before the cerclage) and now I was a day away from being 25 weeks. The next day would be Sunday and then they would start the steriod shots for the babies' lungs. I was still on high doses of magnesium and at times had tributaline and endocine to calm my irritable uterus. I was on multiple antibiotics to fight infection.
I was told not to touch my stomach because it caused contractions. When the boys would start to kick they would start the contractions also. I dreaded them kicking because then they might not stay in long enough, but on the other hand I was relieved they were still alive. I couldn't listen to my harp and church music very loud at all..I could barely hear it, because the boys loved music and would start kicking which would start the contractions again.
The nurses would come in every so often to find the boy's heartbeats and each time I held my breath until I heard those two strong heartbeats...I was always afraid one would be dead when the came to check the heartbeats.
Friday(27th) was a fairly easy day. It was by no means the worse I had experienced. Things looked like they were going great and maybe I would make it to 27 weeks. I know now it was just the calm before the storm.
Saturday(28th) I woke up shaking. I was so cold. I asked for more blankets and I was still shaking. The nurse took my temperature and I had a fever. Everything was a mad rush. It seems so blurry now. The doctor came in and did and amnio to see if the amniotic fluid was infected....it was infected with e-coli and so was I.
He tried to remove my cerclage, but it was stuck. He had a nurse helping him and meanwhile I was having painful contractions. I was moaning and he looked alarmed...he ordered some drug that made me feel like I was floating on the ceiling. He said the twins were going to be born today. I was too sick...I had lost the battle. He explained our delivery options. He yelled at a nurse as she rolled in a warmer to get it out. He was very emotional...he had become attached to us as the rest of the staff. They would call to see how the babies and I were doing on their days off. The staff stayed longer in our room and visited with us. They asked why and couldn't figure out why I was so happy all of the time...I know it was Christ who helped me.
My husband and I decided on a c-section to give the boys a better chance at life. The doctor said he would choose that if it were his wife and children. Joshua(baby b) had a chance of turning sideways, so it seemed the better choice and I was so delirious from the fever. So my husband and mom made the phone calls to let everyone know.
Soon I was in the operating room. They bent the rules for me and let both my husband and mom be with me. They told me when Jacob was born. He didn't make a sound, but they told me he was wiggling all over. Then Joshua was born and I heard the tiniest cry(like a kitten). Then my spinal started wearing off and I began to feel what was going on...the gave me some more medication and as the babies were wheeled out I saw a tiny hand..I don't know whose it was.
I didn't see my boys for two days. I was too sick. The nurses sent me pictures and footprints. Finally my husband picked me up and put me in a wheelchair and took me to see them...Jacob wasn't doing as well as we had hoped. Paul wanted me to see them before one or both of them died. I don't remember seeing them...I have pictures though, so I know I was there. Jacob died that night(30th of July 2001). I held him as he died...I do remember that.
For a long time it was very hard for me to be in Spokane and especially the hospital where the boys were born and where Jacob died, but I had too. Joshua was re hospitalized for a shunt failer not long after we brought him home and we were constantly going to doctor visits there....we still do. I can now go there without the extreme pain. It will be different this time, as I remember what happened six years ago on the same day of the week....Saturday, one day short of 25 weeks...one day short of getting the steroid shots, 15 weeks too early.
So, tomorrow off we go to the birthplace of my twins. Joshua is excited to stay in a hotel(we have tried to make each doctor visit as exciting as possible..hotel stays, swimming, rides, shopping, picnicking, even playing in the snow.). He is excited for his birthday and so am I.
On Monday we will let balloons off by our local Temple in remembrance of our son and brother Jacob. Someday, I truly believe, we will see him again.
Thanks for reading.
Tiffany
COMMENTS
- Jul 27, 2007 4:50 AMI will be thinking about you and your family Saturday. Take care, Dina
- Jul 27, 2007 5:48 AMOh Tiffany, your blog today was touching. Thank you for sharing your precious boys with us.I too believe that one day we will be with our SHARE angels again.Big hugs and birthday wishes,Colleen
- Jul 27, 2007 6:13 AMI will be thinking of you as you revisit such a difficult place, and time in your life. I too believe that you will be with Jacob someday. I know until that time he lives on in your heart.I hope Joshua's appointment goes well, and you all find a big piece of happiness enjoying this trip.Take care,Karri
- Jul 28, 2007 10:12 AMWhat a bittersweet day Saturday will be for you.You all are in my thoughts and prayers as you head for Joshua's appointment.Happy birthday to Joshua.~Jaclyn~
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