What is going on? [2]
Sep 21, 2007 12:14 AM
Well, the last few weeks have been very stressful and very busy. We think Josh has a learning disorder called nonverbal learning disorder. In the first week and a half of kindergarten I got called twice to come and pick him up early from school. He had to go talk to the principle because he refused to write anymore and shut down. He wouldn't talk to anyone. Luckily my husband was with me that day and went and talked with his teacher and the principle and vice principle. They want to help him. We thought he was just being naughty.
Doing his homework was terrible!!!!!!!!!!! It took five hours to get only part of it done. I had to sit there the whole time and guide and direct him. I was so tired. He was tired and I feel really bad because both my husband and I thought he was just being naughty so we punished him(naughty seat/privileges), but it did no good. He still didn't do the work he needed to. We started to wonder if his shunt was malfunctioning and that was leading to these behavioral issues.
What really topped it off was when my husband had a man to man talk with Joshua about doing what he needed to at school and home. I really have a wonderful husband. The kids are so lucky to have him as a father. He gently talked with Josh about doing what was right (almost everyday in his prayer, Josh says "Please help me to make good choices."). The sad part was when my husband asked Josh how he felt. Josh replied, "happy sad." He was so confused. We realized there was more to this than just a kid not wanting to conform to the rules.
We were told that he did well at everything else at school...however when writing time came he did terrible! We started to notice that Josh was angry and sad all the time. He told me he did not want to go to school anymore and cried when it was time to go to school. This is not like my little boy.
One night I prayed hard for an answer or some type of help for Josh. I studied a bit. That night I slept terrible. I had nightmares about Josh at school. Early the next morning I gave up on trying to sleep and searched the internet. I came across some information on Nonverbal learning disorder. It fits Josh almost perfectly. It explained the writing problems, it explained why he learned to read and read so well at such an early age, it explained why he doesn't seem to understand social cues(I remember once he asked why there was a raindrop by my eye, he has asked why my forehead has wrinkles--different mood changes that change facial cues). It explained why he asks so many question instead of trying things out to find out for himself. It explained why following multiple directions is so difficult and why he doesn't seem to notice when we are getting impatient or trying to discipline. It explains why he still has problems with cross body movements. This explains the anger and sadness suddenly brought on by attending school and required to write mass amounts that are nearly impossible for him to do. I feel like my prayer was answered. We are in the process of finding the right specialists to help us help Josh.
I sat in one of his classes and saw first hand what the problem was. EH was fine until writing time. Then it was quite sad. He looked at his paper and almost started to cry. He looked at me and I smiled real big and waved at him. He smiled at me and looked at his paper again. Several times he looked to me for help. It was so sad for me to visually see how sad he was how trapped he must feel. We have shared the information we found with the school and they have modified a little bit. He hasn't been sent home since and doesn't cry every morning before school. We are overwhelmed with what we have to learn to help him. He can't spend his days at school, then therapy, then do homework and practice his therapies and never have time to just be a kid. How stressful is that?
I took him to his first speech therapy at the public school district yesterday(he is in a private school). I came home feeling dejected and sad. He tried so hard, and the lady was nice, but rough. She didn't give him the time he needed to answer her questions. At the end he picked up a flash light they had been using. She said, "that is mine...I didn't say you could play with it." He looked kind of confused. she said," what do you say if you want to hold my flashlight?' He said,"Please" she said, "that is not the way to ask...how do you ask?" He increased ht feeling in his voice and said,"Please?" She said," that is not the way to ask. At this point Josh was about tho cry. He looked so confused. I was confused also...Isn't please what you are supposed to say? Anyway, She then told him he has to say "may I please hold your flashlight?" How anal!!!!!!!!!!! I am not sure what to do about her. It may sound like I am over reacting ,but he truly didn't understand what she wanted and doesn't read body cues very well. I wanted to scoop him up and tell her off, but I was confused myself and in shock. Last night I had a dream that I told a school therapist off. I didn't sleep very well.
On a different note, Joshua had his neurosurgeon appointment earlier this week. He did well with his x-rays and CT scans and at his appointment. His shunt looks great, as do his ventricles...so that is one worry to wipe off our list!!! The Dr. thought we should definitely look into getting help for Joshua, but warned that is is hard to find the kind of help we are looking for and expensive. We will do what it takes.
I am now 24 1/2 weeks along with my pregnancy. I am so glad I have hit the age of viability! I am counting down the weeks until my cerclage is taken out. I have so many braxton hicks and last Saturday I had a real contraction. It was very painful of course and I scared me to death. I was imagining another tiny boy attached to wires and tubes. Luckily I didn't have another one and no blood...the baby was moving fine, so I figured I was o.k. We can't decide on a name for him. We have been calling him baby Elijah. Even the kids do. my husband says he isn't completely convinced that is the right name for this baby. What do you guys think? What do you like better? Elijah or David?
I have pretty much come to the conclusion that after this baby there should be no more...not even adoption. I had wanted to adopt one more little girl in a few years, but with these unexpected school problems that most likely won't go away and so many drs visits all of the time, I am beginning to feel like it is best just to keep our family as it is. This has been very hard for me to cope with. We had wanted seven children. sometimes I am disappointed with myself...with my body. It didn't work how I wanted it to. I feel sad that I will never had another little girl to hold and dress and that will grow up to be a companion to me and Hannah(my daughter). I really need to get over these irrational feelings and move on. I have done a great job in all reality. I will have given birth to five children(it is sad how I make myself feel incomplete and like a failer for not having more). I need to not blame myself every single time something goes wrong with Joshua. Every time he is sick, or we find a new problem or issue with him I blame myself. I go back to when I was pregnant with him and his twin. I blame myself for failing them. I tell myself that if I could have just kept them in a little longer Jacob would still be here and Joshua wouldn't have to suffer and have problems. I know deep down inside my heart that I midi my best and I couldn't will my body to keep them in...but I still blame myself. How long will this go on? I just can't live all my life feeling bad like this. At night when I check on the kids I still creep into Joshua's room and make sure he is breathing. He is six!!!!! Inside, I go back to when he was so tiny. Sometimes at night he looks to helpless and I feel so bad that he has had a hard day and I can;t do much to make things much better. I can't go into his brain and fix what was damaged. I love him so much. He has such a sweet spirit. He has blessed our lives far beyond what I ever imagined possible. without him I wouldn't be who I am today. He has taught me how to sacrifice, how to feel empathy,how to truly love, how to be patient, how to trust and how to rely in prayer and the atonement of Jesus Christ.
Thanks your reading ...I really needed to get some things off my mind.
Tiffany
Doing his homework was terrible!!!!!!!!!!! It took five hours to get only part of it done. I had to sit there the whole time and guide and direct him. I was so tired. He was tired and I feel really bad because both my husband and I thought he was just being naughty so we punished him(naughty seat/privileges), but it did no good. He still didn't do the work he needed to. We started to wonder if his shunt was malfunctioning and that was leading to these behavioral issues.
What really topped it off was when my husband had a man to man talk with Joshua about doing what he needed to at school and home. I really have a wonderful husband. The kids are so lucky to have him as a father. He gently talked with Josh about doing what was right (almost everyday in his prayer, Josh says "Please help me to make good choices."). The sad part was when my husband asked Josh how he felt. Josh replied, "happy sad." He was so confused. We realized there was more to this than just a kid not wanting to conform to the rules.
We were told that he did well at everything else at school...however when writing time came he did terrible! We started to notice that Josh was angry and sad all the time. He told me he did not want to go to school anymore and cried when it was time to go to school. This is not like my little boy.
One night I prayed hard for an answer or some type of help for Josh. I studied a bit. That night I slept terrible. I had nightmares about Josh at school. Early the next morning I gave up on trying to sleep and searched the internet. I came across some information on Nonverbal learning disorder. It fits Josh almost perfectly. It explained the writing problems, it explained why he learned to read and read so well at such an early age, it explained why he doesn't seem to understand social cues(I remember once he asked why there was a raindrop by my eye, he has asked why my forehead has wrinkles--different mood changes that change facial cues). It explained why he asks so many question instead of trying things out to find out for himself. It explained why following multiple directions is so difficult and why he doesn't seem to notice when we are getting impatient or trying to discipline. It explains why he still has problems with cross body movements. This explains the anger and sadness suddenly brought on by attending school and required to write mass amounts that are nearly impossible for him to do. I feel like my prayer was answered. We are in the process of finding the right specialists to help us help Josh.
I sat in one of his classes and saw first hand what the problem was. EH was fine until writing time. Then it was quite sad. He looked at his paper and almost started to cry. He looked at me and I smiled real big and waved at him. He smiled at me and looked at his paper again. Several times he looked to me for help. It was so sad for me to visually see how sad he was how trapped he must feel. We have shared the information we found with the school and they have modified a little bit. He hasn't been sent home since and doesn't cry every morning before school. We are overwhelmed with what we have to learn to help him. He can't spend his days at school, then therapy, then do homework and practice his therapies and never have time to just be a kid. How stressful is that?
I took him to his first speech therapy at the public school district yesterday(he is in a private school). I came home feeling dejected and sad. He tried so hard, and the lady was nice, but rough. She didn't give him the time he needed to answer her questions. At the end he picked up a flash light they had been using. She said, "that is mine...I didn't say you could play with it." He looked kind of confused. she said," what do you say if you want to hold my flashlight?' He said,"Please" she said, "that is not the way to ask...how do you ask?" He increased ht feeling in his voice and said,"Please?" She said," that is not the way to ask. At this point Josh was about tho cry. He looked so confused. I was confused also...Isn't please what you are supposed to say? Anyway, She then told him he has to say "may I please hold your flashlight?" How anal!!!!!!!!!!! I am not sure what to do about her. It may sound like I am over reacting ,but he truly didn't understand what she wanted and doesn't read body cues very well. I wanted to scoop him up and tell her off, but I was confused myself and in shock. Last night I had a dream that I told a school therapist off. I didn't sleep very well.
On a different note, Joshua had his neurosurgeon appointment earlier this week. He did well with his x-rays and CT scans and at his appointment. His shunt looks great, as do his ventricles...so that is one worry to wipe off our list!!! The Dr. thought we should definitely look into getting help for Joshua, but warned that is is hard to find the kind of help we are looking for and expensive. We will do what it takes.
I am now 24 1/2 weeks along with my pregnancy. I am so glad I have hit the age of viability! I am counting down the weeks until my cerclage is taken out. I have so many braxton hicks and last Saturday I had a real contraction. It was very painful of course and I scared me to death. I was imagining another tiny boy attached to wires and tubes. Luckily I didn't have another one and no blood...the baby was moving fine, so I figured I was o.k. We can't decide on a name for him. We have been calling him baby Elijah. Even the kids do. my husband says he isn't completely convinced that is the right name for this baby. What do you guys think? What do you like better? Elijah or David?
I have pretty much come to the conclusion that after this baby there should be no more...not even adoption. I had wanted to adopt one more little girl in a few years, but with these unexpected school problems that most likely won't go away and so many drs visits all of the time, I am beginning to feel like it is best just to keep our family as it is. This has been very hard for me to cope with. We had wanted seven children. sometimes I am disappointed with myself...with my body. It didn't work how I wanted it to. I feel sad that I will never had another little girl to hold and dress and that will grow up to be a companion to me and Hannah(my daughter). I really need to get over these irrational feelings and move on. I have done a great job in all reality. I will have given birth to five children(it is sad how I make myself feel incomplete and like a failer for not having more). I need to not blame myself every single time something goes wrong with Joshua. Every time he is sick, or we find a new problem or issue with him I blame myself. I go back to when I was pregnant with him and his twin. I blame myself for failing them. I tell myself that if I could have just kept them in a little longer Jacob would still be here and Joshua wouldn't have to suffer and have problems. I know deep down inside my heart that I midi my best and I couldn't will my body to keep them in...but I still blame myself. How long will this go on? I just can't live all my life feeling bad like this. At night when I check on the kids I still creep into Joshua's room and make sure he is breathing. He is six!!!!! Inside, I go back to when he was so tiny. Sometimes at night he looks to helpless and I feel so bad that he has had a hard day and I can;t do much to make things much better. I can't go into his brain and fix what was damaged. I love him so much. He has such a sweet spirit. He has blessed our lives far beyond what I ever imagined possible. without him I wouldn't be who I am today. He has taught me how to sacrifice, how to feel empathy,how to truly love, how to be patient, how to trust and how to rely in prayer and the atonement of Jesus Christ.
Thanks your reading ...I really needed to get some things off my mind.
Tiffany
COMMENTS
- Sep 21, 2007 9:58 PMTiffany,Wow, that is a lot to deal with at once. I really do hope you can find the help Josh really needs. I would talk to someone about finding a different therapist or something, you need someone that will understand his needs. Hang in there! Yeah for 24 weeks, hoping for 16 more!Tracy
- Sep 21, 2007 9:58 PMTiffany,I am glad that you are able to use the resources available in the public schools for Josh!! There are great resources available (and most are not RUDE like this lady was...I personally would not go back to her but request someone else).My daughter also has a processing disorder and I distinctly remember the HOURS of homework....until her & I were near tears and gave up. Those are the nights I wrote the teacher a note and explained why it was not done!!I hope you find the answers you need to help him succeed. It's not something he can control....it is something however that help is available for to make it so much easier on him...and you & Dad!!!Know you are not alone in this struggle. We are always right here!!Hugs!Sharlene
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